News

Couple finds joy and happiness in adoption

By Scott Wagar

01/02/2013

“Adoption can be a wonderful and life changing choice for all family members involved, which includes the child, adopting parents and the birth parents.”

These are the words of Kayla O’Toole from Bottineau who recently adopted a baby boy along with her husband Mike because they felt the need to give a child a home.

The O’Toole family adopted their baby boy, Austin, through the Catholic Charities of North Dakota.

“We did domestic in-state adoption,” Kayla said. “We have always wanted to have children. We had hoped to have a biological child and to have an adopted child. We decided after trying for a biological child for several years to pursue adoption.”

That pursuit was the best decision Kayla and Mike ever made, and have enjoyed having Austin grow in their lives and hearts.

“We strongly feel that adoption is a positive and wonderful choice,” Kayla said. “Having Austin in our lives brings tremendous joy to us. It is really no different than any couple who biologically brings a child into their family. With our adoption process being an open adoption it means Austin will grow up with a larger family than most kids. Austin is an incredible little boy and has so many people who love him and will be there to support him as he grows up.”  

Over the past years, adoption throughout the U.S. has had somewhat of a negative connotation for a variety of reasons. However, Kayla stated that for those individuals who have let the thought of adopting leave their minds, they should reconsider for a variety of reasons.

“For some couples, adoption may be their only hope for having children,” Kayla said. “And, for a lot of birth parents placing their child in an adoptive family is done out of love and with a desire for their child to have something more in life than they could provide.

“Some people do have a negative outlook on adoption,” Kayla continued to say. “The adoption process has changed over the years and I think that most of the negative ideas dealing with adoption are no longer true.”

Individuals who wish to adopt, should consider starting the process now because adoption can take a number of years.

“It takes nearly one year to complete several steps in the adoption process before you are put on a waiting list. Once on the waiting list couples create a book about themselves with pictures and details about their family. Birth moms get to look through the books and learn about the couples wanting to adopt and then choose a couple that they like. We were told that on average couples can expect a two to three year wait before being chosen by a birth mom,” said Kayla, who also stated they were fortunate when it came to the schedule with their own child. “We were very lucky and we were chosen after only three weeks. After being chosen, Austin was born five days later, which made life very exciting for us.”

Those who are bearing in mind the adoption process, Kayla stated that it’s a process which people should take some time to think out and to be prepared to be patient in the waiting process.

“Adoption takes consideration as it can be a long process. Once a child is placed in your home and the adoption process is legally completed the journey has only just begun. There are many things to consider before pursuing adoption,” Kayla said. “I think the best advice is if you decide to pursue adoption you need to have an open mind and stay positive and hopeful throughout the process. Before coming to a concrete decision that you are going to try for adoption, go visit with an adoption agency and learn more about the process.”

Kayla also stated that women who are considering adoption, there are a variety of options they can consider.

“They (a birth mom) can place their child for adoption and it can be open, semi-open, or closed. In an open adoption, the adoptive parents remain in contact with the birth mom. An open adoption generally means that the adoptive parents send pictures and meet up to visit with the birth mom a couple times a year. Not all adoptions are alike, so the openness is up to the adoptive parents and birth mom. A plan is generally made during the adoption process.

“The birth mom and birth father have legal rights to the child until shortly after the child is born,” Kayla added. “Once the child is placed with the adoptive parents the adoptive parents legally are responsible for the child’s well-being and the birth parents relinquish their rights.”

One present day myth about adoption is that there is no cost, which for the most part is untrue.

“It depends but, with most adoptions there is a cost and not everyone considering adopting realizes this,” Kayla said. “This is just one of the reasons we recommend visiting with an adoption agency to learn and become more informed of the process.”

Individuals, who are considering adoption, the O’Tooles recommend Catholic Charities.

“We feel Catholic Charities is a wonderful organization to contact,” Kayla said. “They have locations in Minot, Bismarck, Fargo and Grand Forks.”

Truly, adoption is when children warm the hearts of those who adopt them, but for the parents who adopt, it’s an opportunity to warm the hearts of their adoptive children, bringing many hearts together into one filled with a pinnacle of love.

And where there is love, there is happiness.